I scan the band members on stage from right to left. Possession doesn’t show in auras. Murder does, but I’m not expecting it here, although it would make things easier. What I’m looking for is a connection to the Power. The lead singer and drummer have it. The bass guitarist, keyboard player, and lead guitarist don’t. They just wear the jewellery.

I want to get closer to those two, and soon. Not because I’m looking for something specific, but because they’re terrain. Just like Puissance Res, they’re going to tell me about Kate. And just like Puissance Res, it won’t be because I ask them to - it’ll be because I get amongst them.

chapter ten

There’s always a party after a gig. This club’s big enough to have dressing rooms so it’ll start there. The bouncer lets me through when I show him my complimentary ticket and tell him I’m a friend of the band. So that means he’s letting everybody through.

Sure enough, the room turns out to be packed. That’s good because it gives me cover. On the downside, it means I only get in after some discreet elbowing. There’s loud heavy music playing, and the people in the room talk drunkenly loud to be heard over it. It’s well lit though, so I can look for my men.

The lead singer’s on the other side of the room. He’s talking with three men and it looks like they’re all friends. Then I see the girl. She’s hanging on to him so close I didn’t notice her at first. She detaches her face from just behind his ear to exchange a few remarks with his friends. It seems like she knows them too so she must be his girlfriend. She’s all over him so much his friends are embarrassed. I decide not to intrude.

The drummer is closer to me. There’s a man and a woman holding hands and talking to him but he keeps looking past them like he’s trying to find an excuse to get away. Helping people’s what I do and he looks as deserving as anybody right now. It’s a tough crowd to sidle through, but I’ve done hatha yoga so I make it. Suppleness and balance.

The drummer talks to me straight away.

“Hi.” he says.

The room’s noisy so I keep it simple “Great set.”

“Thanks.”

“Have you seen Kate?”

“Who?” Maybe he didn’t hear.

“I’m a friend of Kate’s,” I never met her but I am trying to find out who murdered her so I guess I qualify. “She told me to come tonight. I can’t see her though.” I look around the room when I say it.

“Oh. I don’t know.” He looks around too but it’s pretty obvious he’s just being a pro and doesn’t know who I’m talking about.

“Listen, Kate told me to come because she thought you guys might want your cards read.”

“Our what?”

“Cards. I do tarot readings.” I hand him my card.

“Is it tarot cards?”

“Yes.”

“Right, right. Yeah I’ll keep the card, cheers.”

The couple have drifted away but now they’ve been replaced by some girls. He’s a drummer and I decide to leave him to it. I go home and the sun’s up.

chapter eleven

I’m feeling ill. Headache. Itchy arse. Sweating. That’ll be the lack of sleep, and the fasting. It’s Saturday and, thinking about it, I haven’t eaten since Monday.

You don’t ever put a time limit on an angel. If they haven’t shown, then you’re not pure yet. Even wondering how much longer puts you in danger of losing it altogether: cynicism and lust for result.

But I’m starting to starve here. Something’s wrong. Me, somehow. I cast my mind back, but I’m sure I haven’t eaten since Monday. I was tempted a few times, but not seriously. Even dwelling hasn’t been a problem. I’ve been too busy to dwell. Only time I’ve noticed it is when I’m doing up my belt after pissing. Which is where I’m wrong.

Too busy to dwell means too busy to think about it. Like I’ve forgotten about it. And you’re not supposed to forget, you’re supposed to remember and feel shameful. Some penitent I am. Just great: “Oh yeah I’m guilty of sins and unworthy of angelic contact, but I don’t let it worry me or anything.” How could I even think like that? How did it slip my mind?

Enlightened, Special, Pure, Whatever; I’m still human and I still fail. Now it’s time for the magickal part. Not running from failure, but facing it and confessing it.

The cold shower nearly makes me pass out, but then that’s real mortification for you. Upstairs in my temple I light the candles and accuse myself. Starting with arrogance by forgetting that I always need Help, and letting concern for the victim be replaced by the thrill of the investigation. Then progressing through all the little failures over the week. Which brings me on to more general concerns: enjoying the gift of Power, pride, envy. And all the rest.

“Stop Gerard. You may look at me.” There’s a touch on my shoulder and I lift my face from the floor. There’s a girl reaching down to me with her right hand.

Her long fingers; her rounded arms showing traces of muscle here and there; the slight swell of her immature breasts; her flat, lightly defined stomach; her hairless groin; her slim, smooth legs; her bare feet; and her beautiful clear complexioned face; all exude compassion and love. I’m ashamed I ever thought of myself as a good person. I close my eyes and tears trickle between the lids and warm my cheeks as they drip to the floor.

“Get up Gerard.” a quiet, close voice says as I feel my tears brushed away. “I have need of you.”

How could an angel have need for a useless sinner like me? I start to tell her just how mistaken she is: “Me? But you can’t? I’m not-”

“You looked upon my form without lust.” she interrupts. “You’re worthy.”

The girl has a point so I let her help me up and dry my eyes.

“I am Athebriel. I am with you.” she tells me. As far as my vision goes, she then disappears. Deeper senses tell me she’s still around. So my Client’s on board, and I’ve got Help. Surf’s up I guess.

If they need me they need me alive so I’d better eat.

Looking at my bedroom clock as I dress tells me I’ve been in the temple 8 hours. And that the chippy is still open for lunch. Worst chips I’ve ever tasted, but I stuff them down so fast I nearly choke.